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shockingly real: spoiler alert: the hero dies by michael ausiello

i've been reading michael ausiello's work for years. i've followed him from tvguide, to entertainment weekly, to his start up television focused website tvline. it's not just because he is good at getting scoops on my favorite shows, although that is part of it, but also because so often his views on shows meshed with mine. sure, maybe it set up some implicit bias, but when you are reading takes on the entertainment you are consuming you want to find someone who has a similar world view. beyond that, however, is also the fact that he is snarky and funny and good at telling stories. and i kind of love someone who isn't afraid to give away the ending.

i am one of those rare birds who doesn't care about spoilers. nine times out of ten i read the end of books before i'm a quarter of the way through. i still read the whole book, but i like to take surprises out of the equation, for me reading or consuming television isn't about the ending, but about how we get there. in spoiler alert: the hero dies, michael ausiello takes us on a journey from the moment he first met his partner-in-life/future husband, kit cowan to the moment kit succumbs to a rare form of neuroendocrine cancer.

this story was heartbreaking and sad and funny and honest and brutal and just a love letter to kit. there is grief and loss and anger and so much love that your heart feels full and shattered all at the same time. the way michael can put himself, his insecurities, the imperfections that abounded in his relationship, and the immensity of his love for kit out into the world is kind of wonderful. this is a story worth sharing, a love worth witnessing even when it wasn't easy or beautiful or kind. the reality of living with and loving someone who isn't perfect, but is still the only person for you somehow makes the loss more wrenching, absolutely gutting.

this is not just another memoir about cancer. michael is unflinching in his descriptions about the ravages of kit's disease, and certainly it's a big part of the story here. but when i think back on what i read, i'm not thinking about the horrors cancer and the therapies meant to cure it put the body through. i'm thinking about love. in every remembrance, every word he writes about kit, even when he's detailing kit's flaws, you can feel the love michael felt for him. and that's what i took away from this. it doesn't matter that the story ends with kit dying, because he loved michael and michael loved him, and love is all you need.

(n.b.—i'm a total romantic at heart, so there is that. but i think most people would agree with me.)

**spoiler alert: the hero dies will publish on september 12, 2017. i received an advance reader copy courtesy of netgalley/simon & schuster publishing (atria books) in exchange for my honest review.

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